 If you’ve been on the internet for a while and in the self healing side of it then odds are you’ve heard of something called your “shadow shelf”. There can be some confusion and a little bit of fear over the name but I’m here to tell you that it isn’t scary and is actually something that you NEED to incorporate into your life if you want to make your life better and achieve your ideal. To understand the benefits of working with your shadow self, let’s quickly discuss how your life will look by ignoring it and not trying to understand your shadow. If you keep ignoring that side of yourself you will most likely experience one if not all the feelings below :
You might be aware of your patterns but find yourself unable to control or fix them. Or you feel so much shame about your life or your feelings or something that's happened to you or by you that you aren’t sure you can claw your way out. Thankfully there is a way to break free from the shackles of the issues above. It takes time, kindness towards yourself and beginning to work on your relationship with your shadow self. Your life can be one where you take back control of your actions, thoughts, relationships and life in a way that is best for you. You’ll be able to see your own self sabotaging ways and instead of running from them, you accept it to then let them free and to be healed for good. To feel confident in yourself and take back control of emotions in a healthy way (the objective is to keep feeling, to accept your feelings as they are and not allow them to control your life or suppress them). To replace the feelings of envy and greed with feelings of motivation and inspiration to help fuel you more on your journey. To finally make progress on the things that are important in your life, to finally say goodbye to indecision and procrastination! By accepting and working with your shadow, you begin to unlock the next powerful level of your life. Because once you no longer accept the unspoken “what ifs” of your untapped potential, you’ll finally be able to rise up and claim your divine power within! Join the goddess movement and finally FEEL what it’s like to be a goddess! Hello and welcome to the Goddess Energy Academy where I, Angel, help others awaken their power within to craft and create a life that is as beautiful and unique as the goddess that makes it. And one of the first steps to manifesting and keeping that life is the skill of shadow work. To honestly see and accept all parts of yourself. This is one of the most important relationships with yourself that you need to learn to work with and accept in order to unlock your full potential and live the life you love. Because we all deserve to live a life worth living! SHADOW SELF EXPLAINED First let’s quickly discuss what your shadow self is. This is what you pretend doesn’t exist in you. SHADOW SELF EXPLAINED First let’s quickly discuss what your shadow self is. This is what you pretend doesn’t exist in you. Basically your shadow is your repressed anger and desires you don’t dare to admit. It’s the skills yet to be uncovered due to you suppressing your curiosity for fear of what others think or shame or insecurity. Your shadow self is not something bad, but rather just the rejected and hidden aspects of you. If you wanted to be accepted growing up, which biologically speaking that is exactly what we all do, meant you had to hide parts of yourself to fit in and be loved. So a lot of these parts are from your childhood and were suppressed by adults in your life. Thankfully a lot of the shame that is produced by this action can be healed. Whenever you have a thought or action or desire that you don’t want to have or feel like it’s “bad” or “not ok” or whatever, you throw it into a box within your brain. At the moment you feel like it's the quick and practical solution because you don’t have the time or energy to confront it. Without realizing that : The box does get full and that's when your rage bubbles up out of nowhere or you freeze when needing to make a decision or lose the words to describe your actions to someone calling on you in an important discussion or you weep at the smallest of things because you’ve repressed so much intense emotion. Because our shadow influences our decisions subconsciously. Example is when you should get a promotion and deserving of one but your voice in your head speaks up and says your boss will think you’re greedy and fire you instead. But that’s just your fear that you haven’t addressed coming out, to want to be seen and heard but it bubbles up in a bad way. The underlying fear could be a repressed or not so repressed memory of someone in your life belittling you when you asked for something more to be met with them saying you aren’t deserving of it. Another Example is when having difficult conversations, it can look like you delaying the conversation until it becomes unavoidable and grows into something much larger than if you just had it in the very beginning. You brush off your small annoyance with someone because it’s fine, you can “handle it” but then they keep doing it or make more annoying behaviors that pile on. You think about having a conversation but things are just going too good so why rock the boat? Until one day where just everything is going wrong and you haven’t slept and the person does too many annoying things to the point where you snap and yell at them. They’re left confused and you're left feeling bad. The things you want to disappear, don’t. They accumulate. The shadow isn’t a villain. It’s an important part of who you are. You become enlightened when you make the darkness an ally, see it and accept it which doesn’t mean you give into anything bad. I’ll explain more in a bit. If kept hidden, it will dictate your life in order for you to face what you keep putting off. It's meant to help balance you. To heal the rejected parts of you that need love and caring and feeling. Here are some more ways your shadow shows up in subtle yet powerful ways : Fear of Failure : You declined a challenge due to not feeling good enough or ready enough or prepared enough, etc. Not just caution but the shadow of fear of not meeting expectations. That you aren’t strong enough or smart enough to conquer whatever it is. It can be as big as hiking 12 miles with a friend or as small as playing a new board game with your partner. Difficult Conversations : Postponing your conversation to “keep the peace” or “now's not the right time”, to only be met with bigger issues and bigger blow out fights (fear of conflict taking over mixed with potential people pleasing). Relationships : Can go one of two ways. The first is being overly pleasing and accepting things you don’t want. Until the accumulation of frustrations erupts out of “nowhere” and the other person is confused where it is coming from. They’re confused while you’re confused on how they didn’t pick up on your discomfort but… how were they to know when you never communicated that you didn’t like something. People aren’t mind readers and if you come to them in a loving and growth way, most people are open to learning how to be better with you if you are in that kind of relationship. The second way is that you sabotage your relationship without even realizing it or you do it consciously but hate it. This usually stems from some trauma that has happened to you or you saw happen when you were younger. It’s scarred you so deeply that you can’t help but replay those situations over and over again because you have gone back and addressed the original pain to heal it so it doesn’t need to keep repeating to gain your attention. Professional : When you’re in a meeting and have a great idea to share but then don’t because it might not be and you don’t want to get judged horribly. But then someone else suddenly shares the idea that you had…and see them be met with praise. You then feel like you’re invisible and never appreciated or feel weak because had you spoken up, that applause would’ve been for you. But you were the one who hid to begin with and no one is going to look for you because people are usually only concerned about themselves … just like you’re concerned about yourself. You have to advocate for yourself or you condemn yourself to always be hidden. No one is going to save you or randomly start to “see” you. Make yourself be seen by working on your confidence! Dreams & Personal Projects : Say your dream is starting a new thrilling career that would make you smile learning about but would require you to learn new skills. Knowing that you have to take that first step, you find yourself creating perfect excuses to delay. It’s “not the right time” or “not enough information on matter” or “I have to do more research to really make sure”, etc. You feel like it's common sense to wait and that you’re being cautious but it’s really you never feeling like you’re ready. Your shadow is in control and the voice of caution isn’t coming from a good place but rather from an old memory where you made a mistake and were punished for it or something bad happened by not being prepared properly. Making mistakes is normal and by not doing it you prevent your own growth. I have and do struggle with a lot of these signs above but from my experience it does get easier the more you practice and the more willing you are to honestly see yourself. When you start to see yourself with loving eyes, you start to get fed up with the poor behavior and take actions to help get you on the right path. So let’s all stop letting our shadow self control us. Start the journey of befriending and healing your shadow so you can move forward together. You’ll move further, faster and stronger. The most common sign that your shadow has taken control is stagnation. This looks like your goals that don’t leave the paper, relationships that aren’t moving forward, and/or staying in the same situation in your job even though there are other options. Shadow Stagnation Looks Like: No action when it’s not based on your ability because you are but rather steeped in emotional distress. Being tired all the time because you’re constantly repressing yourself/emotions/thoughts/memories/etc. You start having or continue having anxiety attacks, physical symptoms and outbursts of emotion. When one act or something “breaks” you ……but it wasn’t really that one act but the hidden accumulation under it of all the acts combining to break you. (i.e. being rejected multiple times - from people, opportunities, jobs, yourself, etc - and one of them just makes you “snap”). It can look like maintaining the peace at the cost of you — which is not maintaining peace because there is war within you and you just keep prolonging/building up the issue. It can look like waiting and passing by on opportunities — which only hurts you more by allowing someone or something from your past to control your future. Gurl like wtf why? By avoiding this “risk” you also avoid growth. YOU DESERVE GROWTH! HOW TO HEAL & WORK WITH YOUR SHADOW This can be reversed by looking at what was repressed. Pay attention to what you are avoiding and the conversations you aren’t having and the opportunities you push off. Look at what traits you find disliking or hating in other people and see if those are the parts of you that you have hidden and repressed or shamed in the past for exhibiting. – Now there are just some people and some traits that are down right not ok so use this properly - ex. predators aren’t showing you something you need to work on, they're disgusting and need to be detained. But say someone who is “animated/goofy” when they talk and you find it annoying because they “should” be more subtle and refined, could this be because you were told to be more serious as child when you should’ve been goofy? Are you not able to feel free enough to laugh or joke? Journal and dig into if it’s a part of your shadow. IT MIGHT NOT BE and just be a preference which is completely fine, we all have our tastes BUT IT’S IMPORTANT to make sure it’s coming from TRUTH AND NOT REPRESSED FEELINGS. You don’t have to resolve all of your shadow self sides but pay attention to your escapes when in uncomfortable situations and then name your emotions that bubble up in each of those situations. Then allow yourself to feel these emotions, don’t act on them. Just acknowledge them and honor them by hearing it. Exercise : Face one mini-shadow everyday. Something small that you avoid. Having a talk, saying no to something that you would feel pressured to say yes to, sharing an opinion, working on a task you’ve been avoiding, working on your goal, journaling about a trait you find annoying in someone else and see where it stems from within you, etc. Exercise : Question to ask yourself whilst journaling "What choices didn't I have the courage to make?" and see where it leads. Exercise : Think of a situation that you’ve been avoiding. Identify what’s behind this avoidance. Is it a fear of making a mistake, discomfort of conflict? Then write down what you’re going to do today to face this situation. One small step is enough to propel you forward. Exercise : Heal and unlock your inner confidence and power through guided meditation that walks you through your different aspects. This method is really helpful for someone who doesn’t know where to start and the other examples above aren’t doing it for them. Try giving a few guided meditations a spin and see what insights you can gain. Exercise : Get help and guidance through coaching or a therapist. They can help you do inner child healing work or help guide you deeper into your shadow to figure out where it started and ways to help overcome it for good. Momentum is key but mixed with patience. This is going to take a little bit of time but the time is well spent. "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate." Carl Jung Deeply understand that you are not your emotions or thoughts AND that you can’t control your emotions and first thoughts that pop up. YOU CAN control how you react to your emotions (accepting them as they come up but not allowing them to control you or your actions) and YOU CAN control your 2nd thought, 3rd thought and what you do from there. At the end of the day we are all just animals who were given the power of thinking abstractly. The world isn’t going to make sense and that’s ok. By finding and accepting peace in the chaos, you’ll be able to show up in a healthy manner and work on goals that mean something to you and not let life or past life drag you down and control you. You can control your actions and you can control your base emotion – or your vibrational frequency that you feel when big emotions aren’t popping up. CONCLUSION By embracing all parts of you, you finally see yourself for the wonderful and deserving person that you are. And as you go on this journey you’ll start to see that everyone has a shadow side that they are working with or against. You’ve finally opened your eyes to see the value you hold within yourself and are finally willing to be courageous to stand in the face of your darker sides to walk hand in hand towards a brighter future. Remember to ask yourself, “what could I become and accomplish if I embraced the energy of the goddess within?” because I for one would love to see who you become. Remember that you are beyond worthy of anything you want in life. Let’s stick together and cheer each other on my fellow goddess! I believe in you sweet soul and until next time, I wish you peace, strength and hope. ~Love Angel
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